R.I.P?

R.I.P?

A Short Story by Carolina Toca

Hello, my name is Carmen. Well, I was Carmen once, now I´m dead. I´m lost. They just stole my body. Can anybody hear me?

Anyways, this is my story. This is how I ended up here. And this is how I am going to get out of this.

They do not know I´m sitting in the truck. I´m wondering what they would do to me when they find me? I´m wondering if they give me back to my family? Well, maybe not, that would mean they need to give back the truck and they would think what´s the point? We just stole it, we need to sell it, we need the money, this is a classic 1983 Jimmy GMC, which means is good money. But we definitely do not need the dead grandma inside it.

They would probably be afraid of me, I guess, who wouldn´t? Well, I´m not a beauty queen at this age, but I´m dead so that would probably scare most of people. At least I tried to be a neat old lady, wearing tights with nice floral dresses and taking regular showers, most of people of my age don´t, you probably know that. 

But maybe these guys are accustomed to dead people; I guess they are, good people do not steal, right? Just sneaky bad fellows who would consider stealing the truck of a very nice family on their trip, without even caring how the hell they are going to get back home. Just sneaky bad fellows would steal the body of a grandma. For God´s sake I´m a grandma! Who the hell steal a dead grandma!?

Calm down Carmen, remember, they didn´t know you were here, they didn´t know you were dead, so, do not be so hard with them. If you look twice, they don´t look so bad, I mean, think about it, they could be any of your grandsons. They are pretty much the same age than Carlitos, and even the taller one looks alike to Pancho. And knowing your grandsons, they probably would be in the same situation in a near future.

What? Are you kidding me? Are you nuts Carmen? Are you trying to make excuses for their behaviour? That´s so typical of you! You are definitely a grandma, naïve and always looking for best in people, even those sneaky bad fellows. That´s why you are here! Because you were too nice, because you never wanted to cause problems, always worrying about others first, even when the doctor said you could die anytime, anywhere, any moment, you didn´t want to tell your family because they would be devastated, because you thought they couldn´t handle your sickness, they would never recover losing you or watching you getting worse and worse.

Well, sure! They loved you so much that they put you in the truck! Your lovely family hid your dead body in order to pass the border without troubles, in order to not pay for a coffin outside the country. What a lovely family you have! Well, you had! Because you are dead! Your body is here, in the truck! Where they left you! And they… they are probably celebrating that now they not even have to pay for a coffin in your home land! That´s your beautiful family! The one you didn´t want to bother!

Oh… wait a minute… my home land! my city! my friends! the rest of my family! … how are they going to justify my absence? How are going to tell my sons and daughters I´m dead? How are going to tell them they lost me? My dear God!!! I would pay to see their faces! Specially my older son, my dear Ramirito, what would he say?

To be honest, he´s my favorite, I love him so much! He is so smart. When the Major found out he was the brain of the criminal band, he actually offered him a job position as a cop, “to clean the city from scratches” as he used to say. And he did it! He is now the Chief Police and an example for everyone. In my city you cannot move a foot without Ramirito knowing about it, because he was so clever than he hired all his fellows and together they “cleaned the city” from all the really bad fellows. He put in jail the corruptor city councils, he supported the new generation of cops giving them good salaries and more vacation days and he even created the nursery for the children of women working as a cops, giving them the chance to have split shifts to take care of the kids and the family at home. That is my Ramirito, pure heart and soul. Ah, but do not let his smile fools you. He is sharp, oh yep, he will find out your true intentions right away just looking at your eyes.

Oh yes! My dear Ramirito! He is going to rescue me! He is the only one that would rescue me! Even if my dump grandsons tell everyone a crazy story, he eventually would find out the truth! Thank God! I´m saved! I was actually beginning to feel desperate, I was actually beginning to feel hopeless, but everything is going to be okay Carmen, calm down, Ramirito is going to find you no matter what, he would not rest until he sees you again, whatever it takes. Whatever it takes! you know that.

…

Life is funny, you know, one day you just wake up to get ready for school, you go to the dining room and wait for your mom´s breakfast: orange juice, scrambled eggs, arepa and a cup of good coffee, not like the one you find today at coffee shops, I´m talking about the one that with one smell wake you up and keep you moving all day long, that one. These days’ coffee is a desert! They don´t respect the bean anymore.

Anyways, then, your next memory is holding hands with a cute mulato boy, listening him complaining about the shot he lost in the last soccer game, you really don´t care but mom used to say, Carmen, pay attention and show interest, a man would appreciate that. So I supported him saying it was just a bad day. He smiled me back. That´s how I ended up pregnant again with my third kid, Felipe. I just couldn´t resist Armando´s smile. Even though his fingers were full of calluses for working hard on the fields, I got chills with just one touch. I wasn´t looking for what I found, but I just fell in love with the way he made me feel. He just knew how to be a father and a man.

So, when my Felipe was born, I said to myself, Carmen, you just need to control yourself, you just need to learn to say no. Because people know I would say yes to everything my family ask, especially everything Armando ask for. When he said, my Carmencita, I want another kid, maybe a girl this time, I said yes without even think twice, without even think the risk that could cause to me. Doctors told me last time, Carmen, your condition is quite delicate, and a next pregnancy could be really complicated. It really was, I almost die, and my Felipe had to stay at the hospital the first three months, but how my Armando used to tease me that he wanted a soccer team, I thought, well, at least I´m going to give him almost a quarter and I would be fine.

Therefore, my Felipe became the spoiled one; he was so fragile, so weak, and so delicate than everybody would think that even flu was dangerous for him.

As I said, life is funny, now that I´m dead just small chapters of my life are clear, I don´t remember my wedding day or my last meal, and since I was a housewife people would think that besides watching my kids growing up I don´t have many great memories. I mean, I don´t know how is a job interview, or being late the first day of work, or how works dating guys, or get a college degree. But my life had a purpose, a purpose that wasn´t exactly work for myself. My life was my family, and that was more than enough for me.

I suppose that´s how I ended up here, because I did everything for my family. I always said yes to all the crazy ideas of my husband, kids and grandsons. I said yes to Carlitos and I crossed the border with everybody for our annual trip. I should stay home; I should say no or at least I should bring the meds with me. I wouldn´t be dead, I wouldn´t be lost, I wouldn´t be waiting for those bad fellows to open the back door of the truck and find me.  It was my entire fault.

Carmen! Enough! Wake up! Stop thinking about the past, let´s be focus on the present, ok? No more remembrances for now. You need to come back to your family, to your town, and since you are dead, you need to get buried besides your lovely Armando and your parents, is the least you can try to do. Is what you were waiting for, since the day you knew you will die soon.

First of all, you need a plan in order to get out of here, you need to make some noise; maybe they will hear you and come to take a look. So, let´s see what is besides you, ok?

Ok. Ok.

Yep, that´s better…

Look! Over there! That´s your cane! Why don´t you try to reach it? Come on, try!

Honestly Carmen? I can barely walk by myself and you ask me to move and reach for my cane now that I´m dead? Be serious please!

Come on Carmen, just try it, you were just eighty-seven years old when you died, so, technically, you still had strength to move your arms. Don´t be silly and just try.

Ok, ok, I´ll do it, but just because I really want to get out of here. I am getting tired of talking to you… I mean, to myself.

No, I can´t, I can´t reach it, it´s too far, I am so exhausted and I´m freezing, this truck is so cold. I wish I would be in Jose´s truck; at least that one has AC and heater. Why we brought this old truck by the way?

Because is not safe to cross the border with an expensive truck, anyone can steel it, don´t you see?

Please! They stole this piece of cheap stainless steel truck! So at the end, it wasn´t a good idea to bring the old truck instead of the new one! At least I would be more confortable sitting on leather seats, enjoying the landscape and feeling the AC or heater. Not here! I´m freezing!

Why on heaven Carlitos didn´t at least put me on a sweater?

Carmen, be reasonable, it was because he was trying to hide you. That´s why you are here, don´t you remember? For God´s sake! You keep forgetting everything! Even that you are dead!

What?!!!

Am I dead?!!!

Noooooo!!! How that happened?

Oh my God! This is unbelievable Carmen! Now I have to tell you again! Seriously? I know that at your age is quite difficult keep track with everything and like a grandma you forget things most of the time… but not remembering that you are dead, honestly, that´s a new level! Don´t you remember how you died?

No, no really…

Last thing I remember was being at the cottage sitting by myself, watching the boys playing with the ball and then, suddenly, I was feeling so tired, so sleepy, so heavy.

My head was turning around in circles…I closed my eyes…I heard the wind, the trees moving, the birds singing... slowly I fell sleep and then when I woke up, Carlitos and Mariana were putting me on this awful suit track that I hate. I didn´t know why. I tried to talk with them but they didn´t listen to me, I was yelling at them and still nothing.

Mariana was crying, looking at me without looking into my eyes…like when someone is doing laundry, her eyes lost. And Carlitos, he not even turned back; he was just waiting for Mariana. Hurry up Flaca! Were his last words in my memory. Then, I woke up here… and I´ve been talking to you since then.

You mean, you´ve been taking to yourself.

Yes, I guess.

Do you want me to tell you what happened?

Yes, please…

Wait no… better no, I don´t want to know, I don´t want to remember.

Are you crying? Please Carmen, don´t cry again, you are going to make me cry as well.

I´m sorry, it has been a long day for me, too many things to digest, I mean, not every day you wake up happy surrounded by your family and later you are dead, alone in a truck, waiting for some bad guys, hoping they see you and give your body back. What a day, no?

I know, but is ok; everything is going to be ok Carmen. I promise, time will go by, things will always change, we will age, but our essence will still remain the same, so, no worries, even if they never find you, everything will be ok.

…

Carmen, wake up, listen, I know this would sound crazy, but, have you ever think that perhaps you are not dead? Because, think about it, how can you still remember chapters about your life, how can you see those guys, how can you still feel that you are cold? How can you still be talking to me?

Maybe you are not dead Carmen, maybe your family didn´t check you well.  I don´t know you, but I´m starting to think that, perhaps you are still alive!

You think so?

Well, It´s a possibility… a good one for sure! but our main problem is that we are still here in the truck, without being notice for anyone!

Carmen, look! they are coming back! The bad fellows, they are coming back to the truck! Ok let´s be focus, is our chance to get out of here!

It´s show time!

…